DECEMBER 9, 1994 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

SPEAK OUT

They are married in God's eyes-we can only witness

by D. Killian

"For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests and magistrates, for it is God's ordinance and not man's; and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together: for we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses.

George Fox, 1669

Early this fall, the Cleveland Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) witnessed the marriage of two long-standing lesbian members. The couple, who have been together thirteen years and together are raising a daughter, re-affirmed their previously private vows in the otherwise customary manner of Friends: Standing before a specially called Meeting for Worship, they declared their love and re-commitment in the presence of the Meeting and invited guests. The Quakers, rather quiet by nature (their services take the form of silent worship), did not publicize the union. That was not the point. The couple simply considered themselves married before the eyes of God and the Meeting simply recognized this fact.

The background to this formal union, however, and the way the Cleveland Meeting responded to it, deserves the special attention of the lesbian and gay community.

Unlike other religious groups in Cleveland, the Friends' Meeting is not especially lesbian or gay oriented; true to the national average, homosexuals represent only about ten percent. When the couple asked if the Meeting would consider same-gender marriage, the Meeting's answer was not immediate or assumed. Some members were ready to accept it; others could accept homosexuality but not gay marriage or child rearing; a

vocal few considered homosexuality a sin.

Quakers earnestly seek, however, to come into God's presence. They believe that in this presence there will be unity and any decisions made are the by-product of God's influence and will. Although threatened with expulsion by Ohio Yearly Meeting, Cleveland chose to be faithful to this Quaker process. Although it was not easy personal prejudice, fear, and impatience often got in the way they wholeheartedly prayed for God's leading. They persisted. And when clarity came, it was powerful.

Echoing the testimony of George Fox, the Meeting came to understand that marriages are indeed made in heaven-not by human law or custom. Under this higher law, the lesbian couple had already known themselves to be married; as in any marriage, all the Friends could do was witness to it.

Clearly, Cleveland Meeting has provided an interesting test case. While fundamentalists (of all denominations) claim a moral

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majority and take their authority from the Bible, the Quakers in Cleveland have gone directly to the source. Given a choice between trusting God or the rules of Ohio Yearly Meeting (and society in general), they have dared to trust God.

As feared, they were recently expelled. But the Cleveland Friends are not deterred; it seems it is difficult to sway a group that has collectively witnessed a burning bush. God's dynamic presence and leading-resolving what had seemed an impossible divide, suggesting a third, previously unseen option—is

described by at least one Cleveland Friend as nothing short of a miracle.

While the Friends humbly allow for human error, in seeking God's will it seems they have been moved by something far greater than human fear or ego. We can only hope that other Christians follow suit.

Meanwhile, it's nice to know that we might be on God's side, that the Moral Majority does not have a monopoly on morality, and that few people witnessing to their own experience of truth can make a powerful difference in a dark world.

Jeffrey J. Gerhardstein, L.I.S.W., A.C.C. Individual and Group Psychotherapy

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